Are you feeling the fiery intensity of midlife rage? You're not alone, and understanding the root causes of this emotional storm is crucial for your journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Let's dive into the various factors that contribute to this turbulent phase of life.
Your rage is valid
There are VALID reasons for this incredible rage. It is calling to be acknowledged, NOT swept under the carpet or medicated. Yes, hormones play a part, but there are deeper reasons for it.
The rage we feel during midlife is not JUST a result of hormonal fluctuations or personal challenges; it's a culmination of deep-rooted anger that has simmered for decades or even centuries. This anger stems from the countless instances of witnessing injustice and unfairness, etched into our ancestral memory.
The atrocities of patriarchy
Throughout history, women have endured atrocities in the name of patriarchy. We've seen men being treated differently and with more reverence. We've been underestimated and under-appreciated. We've been forced to make ourselves "less than" to appease others' comfort. This rage is fuelled by the memories of all those times when we settled for less and were denied the respect we deserved.
The stress of motherhood
The immense stress and responsibilities of motherhood also contribute to this rage. As mothers, we carry the heavy mental load for our families, often without recognition or appreciation from others. We find ourselves over-stimulated, over-needed, and constantly touched, while simultaneously carrying an unwarranted guilt that weighs us down.
Giving up on the idea of perfection
We've strived for perfection, always trying to be the "Good Girl" for others, only to find ourselves burnt out, discarded, or overlooked.
Who are we truly when we are not defined by our roles as mothers, lovers, sisters, wives, or friends? Where is the space for us to explore our own identities and desires?
There seems to be a prevailing narrative that we naturally experience midlife rage, but it must be controlled.
But why? And for whose benefit?
What would happen if we were allowed to express our rage openly and unapologetically?
Don't suppress your midlife rage
I propose something different. Our rage should not be suppressed or controlled.
I firmly believe in bringing it to the surface, examining it, and allowing ourselves to fully feel its power. Let it be the tsunami that washes over you, cleansing and liberating you.
Take the time to identify your triggers. Explore if there are grievances you hold deep within you.
Which ones can you relate to? :
Are you mourning a fair and just world?
Are you witnessing Mother Earth's decline that unfolds before your eyes?
Are you becoming more aware of the exploitation we endure within the systems we live in (capitalism, patriarchy etc)?
Are you realising you have a career that will never fulfil your needs?
Are you burnt out and never getting to what you need?
Is everyone else getting what precious energy you have left with nothing for you?
Are you mourning the children you never had?
Have your loved and lost someone close?
Are you mourning your maidenhood coming to an end?
Are you realising your impending mortality?
Are you disappointed because of the dreams you haven't yet reached?
Are you wondering about the woman you might have become?
Are you tired of the lack of value and recognition from a society that only prizes beauty and youth?
Do you miss your ability to focus and have a clear head?
It is essential to give space to this rage, to acknowledge its roots, and channel it towards transformative action.
The key thing here is channel that anger constructively - into creative pursuits, hard conversations, or setting stronger boundaries for ourselves.
But feel it and disengage from others if you have to, so that you can thoroughly interrogate it. Journal, talk to someone but please, please make sure you feel your way through it. Let it empower you.
Remember, what you suppress, makes you sick.
By delving deep into your anger (or even disappointment) you can break free from the chains of silence and shame around your justifiable anger.
Embrace the power of your rage, listen to what it's telling you then use your anger as a catalyst for change.
Want to talk more?
Book a free Discovery Call to chat through navigating this phase and transition in life more effectively.